[CPM-SPIRE-L] the ultimate Raconteur

[Mikhail Atallah]

On Jul 22, 2015, at 6:54 AM, Amihood Amir <amir at esc.biu.ac.il> wrote:

> I propose, in Alberto's honor, that we collect the Apostolic Tales for posterity. 
> I will start and recount a few such tales. I encourage everyone to add stories they remember. 


Excellent idea.  Below are a few to add to the collection.

The $1400 cashmere sweater
==========================

Alberto had a few hours to kill before his flight from Heathrow, so he decided
to spend some time at Harrods.  While looking at a cashmere sweater, a salesperson
invited him to touch it and feel how soft it is.  Alberto obliged, at which point
she invited him to try it on.  He said he would, but warned her that he was not buying,
only looking until the time came for his flight.  She thanked him for the full disclosure,
and said “try it on anyway”.  So he did, and as he was looking in the mirror she said
“you look so good in this!”.  When someone half your age tells you that you look great in
a sweater, how can you disagree?  He did look good in it.  So he said “yes, this looks 
and feels great, but it is too expensive” to which she replied “yes it is very 
expensive, but you deserve it!”.  Alberto knew how hard he worked, the salesperson was
was right:  He did deserve it.  He bought the sweater, and thereafter had a case 
of “buyer’s remorse” that lingered for years.

Cashmere sweater, part 2
========================

Alberto was heading for lunch wearing the cashmere sweater, when he ran into a colleague
in the corridor of the Haas building that housed the Purdue CS Department at the time.
After a brief chat, the colleague said “this is a very nice sweater, I would like to buy
a similar one of a different color: where did you buy it from?”.  Alberto said “I do not 
want to talk about this sweater, it is a sore topic for me because it was sinfully 
expensive and I should never have bought it”.  The colleague was offended because he
perceived Alberto’s reply as implying that that Alberto thought that the sweater was 
above the colleague’s budget and price range.  He said “if you can afford it then I can 
afford it, just tell me where you bought it and how much you paid”.  Alberto again was
evasive about providing the price he paid, so the colleague tried to remove the
reluctance by guessing a price that, he was sure, would be an over-estimate:  “How much
could it be?  Could it be, could it be ...” he said, as he tried to remember the price 
of the most expensive sweater at the most expensive store in the local Lafayette, Indiana 
mall, “Could it be $50 ?”

The flight from Paris
=====================

As a teen-ager Alberto visited Paris on a shoestring budget, and when the time came to
leave he had spent all his money.   He arrived late at the airport: The boarding gate
was already closed, and the plane detached from the terminal.  It was against policy 
un-do these operations.  Alberto explained to the airline agents that he was completely 
out of money, that unless he could get on that plane, his life would be forever ruined: 
He would either starve to death, freeze to death, or resort to desperate measures that 
would make him a fugitive from the law.  He was so persuasive that the airline agents 
talked to their superiors, who authorized re-attaching the plane and re-opening the gate 
for Alberto to board.